When Someone Tells You Your Child Will “Grow Out” of Autism...

Um—no, they won't.

Someone once told me consulting can be feast or famine…and now that I’ve been doing this for about a year, it’s so true. September was one of those feast months (October is not looking so great—ha) and that, along with Back-to-School craziness meant I unfortunately didn’t make time to post as much as I would’ve liked to.

Isla waiting for the school bus on the first day of school.

During one of those Back-to-School nights though,  I had the pleasure of coming across a parent who years ago had made a comment to me about how Isla would “grow out” of Autism. This parent also happens to be a healthcare professional who likely sees Autistic kids, which is doubly concerning.

Whenever these moments happen—where someone says something so ignorant—I’m caught off guard and regret not coming up with a response that’s eloquent, assertive, and opens up their understanding.

What I wish I had said was this:

While I appreciate you might be saying that because you think it gives us reassurance about the future, Autism isn’t a behavioral problem that someone just grows out of. It’s actually a lifelong neurodevelopmental disorder and a disability…and what happens when someone might appear as neurotypical over time, is actually because they’re masking in society. So no, Isla is not going to grow out of being Autistic….and that’s ok. 

And of course, in my mental reenactment, I’m saying all of this with a smile.

When it comes to Autism, I have learned that everyone has an opinion. One of our psychologists used to say that if you tell someone your child has diabetes, they immediately “get it” and understand that it’s a chronic disease that needs to be medically managed. There’s no question about it. But Autism? People hold onto so much misinformation that’s often fueled by stereotypes, poor media representation, and stigma. This results in many families being hesitant to openly discuss it—even with their own diagnosed children in an age-appropriate way.

It’s why Autism Spectrum Disorder is one of the most misunderstood neurodevelopmental disabilities.

Let’s dig into this “growing out” comment and masking. For those hearing about “masking” for the first time, it’s when someone hides their natural traits to better fit in socially. Think of it as a way to camouflage—adjusting behaviors like eye contact, facial expressions, and gestures to appear more neurotypical and socially accepted. Many people mask to some extent, but Autistic individuals, especially females, do it more often, and studies show it can have lasting consequences like anxiety, depression, and burnout.

To be fair to that parent who made the “growing out” comment, there is some nuance here. According to a 2023 Boston Children’s Hospital study, 37% of children who were diagnosed with Autism as a toddler no longer met the clinical criteria once they were school age (5-7 years old). These children, often girls, had higher baseline adaptive scores—meaning better communication, daily living skills, socialization, and motor abilities—which in my opinion, likely made them better at masking as they got older. But masking doesn’t mean they’ve “grown out” of Autism; it means they’ve learned to hide parts of themselves to fit societal norms.

I hope this post from my small corner of Substack sheds some more light on the complexity of Autism Spectrum Disorder. If there’s anything you’d like me to cover in future posts, please feel free to reach out! I’d love to hear from you.